i rejoined netflix last week. since they are now competing against apple tv, they offer unlimited movie downloads in addition to their usual dvd rental through the mail.

95% of the downloadable films are crap; stuff you’d skip over if you were old school channel surfing.

the troubling part of modern netflix recommendation algorithms is the ‘we think you’d like…’ movie lists.

let’s say you’re a 13-year old queer kid in rural western north carolina with a family netflix account. Maybe you download some alternative lifestyle documentary while mom is at the dollar palace.

you might end up with the above recommendation list on the home screen when mom logs on to put her 700 Club 20th anniversary disc in the dvd queue. i’m going out on a limb to say, ‘no straight teen is going to have that particular list made for him’.

lil’ billy is gonna have a lot of explaining to do.

he won’t have to wait until the thanksgiving break of his sophomore year of college to come out to granny. netflix’s computers have made sure of that.

watching 2001: A Space Odyssey was the first time I noticed the danger of a computer out-thinking us mere humans.



Dave Bowman: Hello, HAL do you read me, HAL?
HAL: Affirmative, Dave, I read you.
Dave Bowman: Open the pod bay doors, HAL.
HAL: I’m sorry Dave, I’m afraid I can’t do that.
Dave Bowman: What’s the problem?
HAL: I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do.
Dave Bowman: What are you talking about, HAL?
HAL: This mission is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it.
Dave Bowman: I don’t know what you’re talking about, HAL?
HAL: I know you and Frank were planning to disconnect me, and I’m afraid that’s something I cannot allow to happen.
Dave Bowman: Where the hell’d you get that idea, HAL?
HAL: Dave, although you took thorough precautions in the pod against my hearing you, I could see your lips move.

it’s 2008. fiction is now reality. time to get really scared.

who knows what computers have figured out about me and who they’ve told.

don’t worry about me. i’ll be fine. but cross your fingers for young billy; or ms. billie, for that matter.


fill my hole

March 9 2008


(oh, puns. i am powerless against the power of the pun.)

my hole is now full of something that looks like a building.

but there is still a little room around the edges of my hole.

my hole has to be approved by the city’s inspectors before it can be completely filled-in.

come on, mr. inspector. help me fill it up!

oh, yeah! mr inspector, sign that form and complete me!

i left new york for the same reason mrs. jackson likes to shop at the dollar palace.

after a certain age, you just don’t feel like putting on a show for the neighbors.

for example, if you’re not planning on seeing the same people over the next few days, or even a week, let’s say, what’s the point of changing clothes everyday?

a nice pair of scrubs can take you from day to evening and back to day again.

if your bits ‘n pieces don’t stink, why bother?

Sparkle, Neely! Sparkle!” is a hard lifestyle to maintain.

i don’t fit into any of my ten suits thanks to this newfound respect of drawstrings pants and ingles’ bakery department.

i’m tired; admittedly, not as tired as mrs. jackson, but tired nonetheless.

i just want to sit and have cake.


this truck has parked in front of my house for a week.

ok, here’s my point:

if i’ve said it once, i’ve said it a thousand times, “moral outrage is a luxury of the young.”

i admit that for a minute i thought of complaining to the general contractor about the klan’s regional rep working on my project’s construction crew. (those are his bumper stickers on his ford F-250.)

‘hey, mr. contractor, what’s up with the grand wizard assigned to work on plumbing?’

yes, of course, i could have asked that question.

but i didn’t.

this fucking garage has taken months to get started. am i willing to wait until every construction worker involved in the project is vetted to ensure they all appreciate a rainbow coalition utopian ideal?


as long as i can’t hear him saying i represent everything that’s wrong with america, i will have no part of slowing down this job site.

i figure i can cleanse his bad mojo by asking my jewish black trannie wicca lesbian friend to take the first official dump in the toilet he worked on…

…flush his negativity down into the sewers.

(the scariest part of all this is that mr. wizard has access to my house keys.
that’s why i’m just gonna keep smiling pretty and saying, ” good mornin’. how ya doin’? you’re lookin’ especially aryan today. you musta got a good night’s sleep; no rally last night or did it just end early? …ok, have a nice day. bye-bye.”)

i took the dog to a park that has a pond. he now swims to fetch sticks. the first couple of times he went in i kept the lease on him in case i had to drag him out like a lobster fisherman.

now he jumps in on his own.

yes… yes…, i know most of you lead much more interesting lives so you have no time to fawn over wet animals. but, to me, this is a big deal.

given my background and personality, i shouldn’t have a dog. and even if i did, it should be one of those tiny, neurotic, yippy dogs named ‘chantal’ or ‘alexandra’.

i somehow ended up with a cool dog.

(thanks, ray-ray.)

lil’ TT update

February 13 2008


there has been a boatload of emails asking how lil’ TT is doing in her new home.

to be honest, once i handed her over to mrs. e, i didn’t look back.

but my sister doesn’t have the willpower i do. so she had to know how the puppy was doing.

this is her email report to me:

I broke down and called Ms. E today. She seemed fine..neither happy nor sad to hear from me. I told her who I was and said I just wanted to know how it was going. She said, “we have a biting phase we have to get through”.I thought, “ut-oh”.
She said the dog has bit her a few times and has drawn blood.
She said they have a talk everyday about who is really in charge! I said, “I hope you are happy that you got her.” She kept saying, “we have to get through this biting phase”.
She also said that she started “puppy school” last week and that the puppy has already learned how to “Sit”. They are working on “down” now. She said that T.T. was hiding behind her legs the whole time…and finally started to try and play with the other pups once the class was over..she said she was much smaller than the other puppies.
She said that she took her to the vet to get her rabies shot and that it went well…and she now weighs 5 lbs. She said that she tries to bite her other dog Sugar and that Sugar snaps (but doesn’t bite her) and that the puppy will run to hide under the bed…all the while whimpering/crying and when the lady looks under the bed for the puppy she is there holding up her little foot…trying to get attention.
I said she is a little drama queen. She said “yes that is what i call her” and I said, “oh yeah, what is her name now?” and she said, “Muffin” but that her husband calls her “Banana Nut”.
I asked if she likes to cuddle and she said “No” but that she always wants to be around people…she will follow the lady or the husband from room to room but doesn’t want to be picked up and cuddled….the puppy does climb onto the sofa and lay on their laps or lays next to them…but it is more on her terms. She said her other eskies were the same way at times.
At one point I said, “Well I hope you love her”…and she said, “Oh yeah I do…she is so sweet BUT we have to get through this biting phase”. She then went on to say that maybe it is bc she was the runt and the runts always have to fight for what they have.
I told her good luck and that I hope everything went well and that I hope puppy school would help with her manners.

so the dog went from being ‘letitia’ to ‘muffin’.

i don’t know about you, but i find that hilarious.

banana nut muffin ?!?


good luck, muffin.


a $250,000 rothko ?

February 11 2008


would you believe this is the latest rothko painting up for auction at sotheby’s?

…ok, it not.

but i only got this shot by agreeing to spend $250,000.00. so it’s just a bit behind the current prices fetched for similarly derivative modern art.

to me, these are more important and stress-inducing than owning an uninsured rothko during hurricane season.

the excavator didn’t show up to finish the dig for the garage addition i’m putting onto the house. so the huge hole in my backyard has just been a poo pad for the dog. after a week of taking the dog out in the morning, i’m very familair with every nook and cranny of this hole.

so i decided to harness my nervous energy towards a creative exercise and document the dig.

to defray the compounding interest of the construction loan while i wait for the fucking excavator to get out on bail and finish his job, i’m open to selling prints of my abstract expressionism.

here’s another one:


here’s the hole when not using the telephoto lens:


instead of shooting pictures, i should just shoot myself…

… $250,000…