happy mardi gras

February 5 2008


happy mardi gras, y’all.

today’s super tuesday primary elections have knocked the yearly carnival bacchanalia off the front page.

but as you sit watching the results on CNN tonight, raise your wine glass to toast your brothers and sisters in new orleans who are celebrating this political season in the most appropriate way possible…

…drunk and partially nude.


a million thanks to Brian Postelle, Mountain Xpress, for the mention of my little writing exercise, distort the info.

to answer Brian’s question, i am a he, unless my home equity loan and mexican visa come through in time for the 2008 guadalajara trannie expo in april.



i moved to asheville in the first week of september 2007.

i didn’t think it would happen so quickly; but today my transformation into an ashevillean is complete.

i can no longer look at this place from an outsider’s perspective when i’ve succumb to so many of the traits that make ashevilleans, ashevilleans.

the latest part of this personal evolution was when i handed over my credit card to pay for a north face jacket at the frugal backpacker today.

fucking north face, for goodness sake.

that wasn’t the only evidence of my quick assimilation into granolaville, the other stuff was:

  • i used homeopathic medicine to calm the anxiety of the puppy.
  • i went to a radical faerie party.
  • i save yoga class schedules.
  • i had a 20 minute conversation about the textile art of rural indonesia.
  • i drove past a flock of canadian geese feeding on a neighbor’s yard, but didn’t freak out and wreck the car.

at this point, the only thing that could make me more ashevillean is if i have gender reassignment surgery to become a pot-smoking lesbian with 4 cats, a subaru outback, and a student loan for massage therapy school.

it’s obviously too late for me, but save yourselves.

turning ashevillean doesn’t hurt; but knowing it happened is kinda creepy.

namaste, y’all.

please don’t tell PETA

January 23 2008


the foster puppy is in it’s new home. but as you can see my dog is still sufferin’.

when it’s too cold to go outside and the camera’s battery is fully charged, i can sense the dog getting nervous that a photo session is in the works.

i don’t want to go into the details as to why, but i had a boutonni√®re in the fridge.

so when the dog didn’t seem particularly busy…

snap, snap, snap

…another cute doggie picture on the internet.

home sweet home

January 8 2008


it’s hard for me to explain why this picture makes me miss new orleans. but it surely does.

if you need a recipe for fun , its:

  • diaper
  • wig
  • make-up
  • gun

she’s crazy, but i love her. (i’m talking both about the guy in the photo and new orleans, itself.)


oh, and a tiara. a tiara is always good to have around… just in case.

you can open a bottle of beer with it; you can pawn it for bail money; you can use it to signal the rescue plane when you wake up in the swamps after a really, really bad date…

…you know… just in case.

(editor’s note: the link below is NSFW. trust. it’s information superhighway roadkill. but i couldn’t look away.)

asheville seems like a popular place for rich hippies to retire.

i gather that from the wide range of people who talk openly about their use of pot. this is an expensive place to live. maybe pot eases the nausea that comes from writing their mortgage payment checks.

i hit high school during the reagan administration. as a result, i was terrified of AIDS and illegal drugs. nancy reagan’s impact on me was huge in that respect. bitch. imposing fear without education.

if the ‘eggs in a frying pan’ metaphor doesn’t stop your descent into drug abuse, the following blog entry should do the trick:


aren’t you dying to know what the guy had in the shopping bags?


pandering to the kidz

December 20 2007

to expand my reader demographic, here’s a multipurpose video.

it’s mash-up of dolly parton’s cover of ‘stairway to heaven’ by led zeppelin with cameos by pat benetar and the beastie boys, among others. the visuals seem arbitrary. so feel free to play the video in a minimized window.

dolly’s bluegrass period is worthy of investigating… much, much better than her pop stuff.

kudos to dj earworm.

UNCA radio should be doing this kind of shit.



i don’t cook. that’s why i’m at the bobo grocery store delis all over the city.

the organic, locally grown, raw food vegans i’ve seen there are not the shiny, happy people one would imagine based on their earth-conscious eating habits.

most have a ‘zero-carb sneer’.

i want to gather them all up and turn them back toward the light.

carbohydrates and trans-fats bring a peace and contentment that can be found no other way.



i want to trademark ‘zero-carb sneer’.

please don’t buy that website name.

i plan on doing that sometime next week.