mother’s day

May 8 2008

(click photo to view video)

my mother is not from long island; nor, does she have red hair or a penis.

but the attitude is the same.

Editor’s note:
yes, ma. all you’re gettin’ from me is this damn blog post.
it’ll teach you a lesson, not to have a 12 year old mow the lawn in august in new orleans.
i coulda died it was so hot.


i left new york for the same reason mrs. jackson likes to shop at the dollar palace.

after a certain age, you just don’t feel like putting on a show for the neighbors.

for example, if you’re not planning on seeing the same people over the next few days, or even a week, let’s say, what’s the point of changing clothes everyday?

a nice pair of scrubs can take you from day to evening and back to day again.

if your bits ‘n pieces don’t stink, why bother?

Sparkle, Neely! Sparkle!” is a hard lifestyle to maintain.

i don’t fit into any of my ten suits thanks to this newfound respect of drawstrings pants and ingles’ bakery department.

i’m tired; admittedly, not as tired as mrs. jackson, but tired nonetheless.

i just want to sit and have cake.

a $250,000 rothko ?

February 11 2008


would you believe this is the latest rothko painting up for auction at sotheby’s?

…ok, it not.

but i only got this shot by agreeing to spend $250,000.00. so it’s just a bit behind the current prices fetched for similarly derivative modern art.

to me, these are more important and stress-inducing than owning an uninsured rothko during hurricane season.

the excavator didn’t show up to finish the dig for the garage addition i’m putting onto the house. so the huge hole in my backyard has just been a poo pad for the dog. after a week of taking the dog out in the morning, i’m very familair with every nook and cranny of this hole.

so i decided to harness my nervous energy towards a creative exercise and document the dig.

to defray the compounding interest of the construction loan while i wait for the fucking excavator to get out on bail and finish his job, i’m open to selling prints of my abstract expressionism.

here’s another one:


here’s the hole when not using the telephoto lens:


instead of shooting pictures, i should just shoot myself…

… $250,000…


(editor’s note: the link below is NSFW. trust. it’s information superhighway roadkill. but i couldn’t look away.)

asheville seems like a popular place for rich hippies to retire.

i gather that from the wide range of people who talk openly about their use of pot. this is an expensive place to live. maybe pot eases the nausea that comes from writing their mortgage payment checks.

i hit high school during the reagan administration. as a result, i was terrified of AIDS and illegal drugs. nancy reagan’s impact on me was huge in that respect. bitch. imposing fear without education.

if the ‘eggs in a frying pan’ metaphor doesn’t stop your descent into drug abuse, the following blog entry should do the trick:

aren’t you dying to know what the guy had in the shopping bags?


bumper car philosophy

December 7 2007


after new york, asheville is the most liberal, progressive place i’ve lived. or least that’s what many people living here like to tell me about their town.

for good or bad, asheville seems the perfect bobo paradise.

the most fascinating aspect of this place is the tug-of-war between real progressive action and the bumper sticker approach that feigns action.

would the last city council voter participation numbers have been higher if every person who has a bumper sticker on their car, also made sure they went to vote?

progressives are very good talkers. but changing words into action doesn’t seem their forté. is righteous indignation their goal, not their starting point? …oh, and smug. those suckers can be smug.

(i’m not judging. i’m just typing out an observation. obviously, i’m no better.)

damaging your car’s paint job with a bumper sticker is a slightly sad and ineffective way to attempt change.

nevertheless, the variety of topics i’ve seen on asheville bumpers is impressive.


hot or not ?

December 5 2007


quite an eventful weekend; i got to be neighborly.

i am first in line at the light on merrimon and chestnut headed downtown. the light turns green. from the far side of the street, a light blue gran torino pulls out too slowly from the bojangles drive-thru and gets hit by a minivan headed north.

tiny cute versions of me as an angel and a devil popped up on each shoulder. the angel on my right shoulder said ‘be neighborly. pull over and offer your help’. the devil said ‘mind your own business. nobody died. they’re adults. they can take care of themselves. no one asked for your help’.

i stopped.

the accident was completely the gran torino driver’s fault. so i offered my name and cell phone to the minivan driver. then i remembered my camera was in the car. i told the minivan driver he could use the camera and i’d email the pics to him later.

poor baby, he was all flustered. he couldn’t figure out how to use the camera, bless his heart. he held the camera backwards and took a picture of his eyeball. [actual photo above]

so i took over the photo-taking.

while taking the pics, i noticed HIM, one of the firemen… 6ft2, huge guns, and warrior-concentration face… in short, a big hunk of manly man.

now sitting here typing this entry, i reviewed the photos. i too must have been affected by the shock of the accident because he’s not as pretty in the face as i remembered.

because of their job, firemen automatically get 10 extra hotness points compared to a regular guy. but even with that head start, i’m not sure.

you tell me, hot or not?


…a little cro-magnon, right?

chamber pop

December 2 2007


does everyone know about this musical classification?

while digging through, i saw the genre, chamber pop. i’d never heard of the category before.

here’s the quote from wikipedia:

Modern baroque pop, characterized by an infusion of orchestral arrangements or classical type composition within an indie or indie pop setting, is often referred to as CHAMBER POP, and sometimes chamber rock. This style, leaning heavily in an indie-rock direction, has sometimes been identified as a common feature of many of the most influential and widely-known indie bands in Canada; many of these bands are quite large for rock outfits and make full use of the additional personnel to create a fuller-bodied, more orchestral sound.

it seems the genre covers: arcade fire, the national, antony and the johnsons, sigur ros, interpol, rufus wainwright, etc. etc.

i like them because all their music seems to written in a minor chord.

please buy some music from antony and the johnsons. quirky souls like him deserve to be rewarded, not fergie or maroon 5.



here’s a little gossip for you:

rufus and i went to the same gym in new york…probably the gayest gym in the tri-state area. we both liked to relax in the sauna after our training sessions. that’s where i noticed his little buddha belly… very cute.

he’s a belter in concert, kinda like ethel merman. but his strong diaphragm is hidden under rolls.

rufus rolls.