mother’s day

May 8 2008


(click photo to view video)

my mother is not from long island; nor, does she have red hair or a penis.

but the attitude is the same.

Editor’s note:
yes, ma. all you’re gettin’ from me is this damn blog post.
it’ll teach you a lesson, not to have a 12 year old mow the lawn in august in new orleans.
i coulda died it was so hot.

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les poppys

February 7 2008

les poppys

sometimes i think i should have taken french in high school instead of spanish.

but i wanted an easy ‘A’.
(mi tita hablaba español y vivio con nosotros haste que tuve cinco años.)

oh well, ‘c’est la vie‘.

happy mardi gras

February 5 2008

jonno-mardi-gas-2007.jpg

happy mardi gras, y’all.

today’s super tuesday primary elections have knocked the yearly carnival bacchanalia off the front page.

but as you sit watching the results on CNN tonight, raise your wine glass to toast your brothers and sisters in new orleans who are celebrating this political season in the most appropriate way possible…

…drunk and partially nude.

out.

ps
a million thanks to Brian Postelle, Mountain Xpress, for the mention of my little writing exercise, distort the info.

to answer Brian’s question, i am a he, unless my home equity loan and mexican visa come through in time for the 2008 guadalajara trannie expo in april.


36 hours in new orleans

January 15 2008

taking inspiration from the new york times ’36 hours in …’ travel series, i present ‘what the fuck did i do for 36 hours in new orleans?’

the itinerary suggestions the last time new orleans was highlighted by the ny times were fine. i’ve gone to every place on their list. there is not one clunker among their choices.

but using the photos i took from my christmas trip back to new orleans, how about this?

first, white linen tablecloths and gay waiters don’t come cheap. leave less than a 20% tip and you’ll get an every so subtle snear.

so sometimes quantity is better than quality. since the clock is ticking down to your flight home, just get a few hubig’s pies and a jug of your favorite beverage.

new-orleans-gotta-love-it.jpg

since you’ll be too woozy to drive, call united cabs (the drivers love to talk about race relations [i.e. benign racists, bless their hearts]. but they’ve seen it all. get them to talk about their weirdest fares and you’ll have a good time.)

where are you going?

well, of course, to the suburbs to see the ho’.

new-orleans-gotta-love-it-3.jpg

now that you’re drunk, broke and riding a sugar high, feel free to go ahead and get crazy.

new-orleans-gotta-love-it-2.jpg

make sure to stop by church to ask forgiveness for what you just done did before heading back to the airport.

Laissez les bons temps rouler!

pink-houses-live.jpg

that, my dear, is a good picture, if i do say so myself.

go on, you know you can skip your daily second venti latte for a week and forward some $.

home sweet home

January 8 2008

reba-douglas-wig.jpg

it’s hard for me to explain why this picture makes me miss new orleans. but it surely does.

if you need a recipe for fun , its:

  • diaper
  • wig
  • make-up
  • gun

she’s crazy, but i love her. (i’m talking both about the guy in the photo and new orleans, itself.)

out

oh, and a tiara. a tiara is always good to have around… just in case.

you can open a bottle of beer with it; you can pawn it for bail money; you can use it to signal the rescue plane when you wake up in the swamps after a really, really bad date…

…you know… just in case.

brad pitt tastes bad

January 7 2008

my-house-broke.jpg

sorry, i meant to say, ‘brad has bad taste’.

his commitment to rebuild a part of the 9th ward area of new orleans is admirable. my sister and i went to see the ‘pink houses’ during our christmas visit. there was an exhibit on view to highlight the development process of the proposed home designs to go up in the area.

most were novel approaches to building on the flood-prone, long, narrow lots typical of new orleans.

the model shown above is the one i think is in bad taste.

katrina pushed, pulled and upended everything in that particular neighborhood. why would building a house that looks like it’s cracked in two be a good idea? it’s too soon for architectural irony… too soon.

in 10 years when the original owners sell, that area is going to be one super hot neighborhood.

here are the other house designs.

out.

ps

a couple of days before we went to see the development. my aunt went. she was driving around the area. a lady stopped her and asked if she had a minute talk.

she said ‘sure’.

exit p.r. assistant; enter mr. pitt. he asks my aunt, ‘are you having a good day? yes? great, i’d glad to hear it. bye.’

thanks to that slighty strange conversation, you, dear reader, are now only 5 degrees separated from maddox.

http://english.people.com.cn/200612/14/images/xinsrc_43212031410138282995720.jpg

how cool is that?