a wide stance

November 6 2007


i don’t talk about politics. it’s a pointless exercise. it’s impossible to change a person’s opinion about how government should run just by debating.

i’m not going to start talking about war policy or the effects of deficit spending. but one story connected to politics that i still find hilarious is the senator larry craig arrest.

closeted gays are sad little creatures.

however, under the right circumstances, they’re a great source of comedy.

his arrest came to light during a slow news cycle. so cnn, et al, had time to delve deep into the story. the one report i saw that will stay with me forever involved a news reporter, probably from msnbc, explaining in detail the non-verbal communication that takes place in public restrooms when men are on the prowl for sex: the specific hand gestures under the stall walls, the wide stance position while sitting on a toilet, the foot-tapping codes, etc.

i LOVE the fact that grandmothers in rural nebraska who saw similar reports now know the complex choreography needed to get a blowjob from a trucker at any rest stop across the country.

thanks to senator craig, this conversation is now possible:

lil’billy: ‘nana, is receiving oral 2 foot taps and a right hand wave under the stall?’

grandma mabel: ‘no, baby. that’s for a handjob. passive oral is 3 taps and a cough.’

lil’billy: ‘oh, right. i forgot. thanks, nana.’

grandma mabel: ‘you’re welcome, baby. you want some more pie? i got cool-whip too if you want.’

lil’billy: ‘yeah!’


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