BYOT (bring your own towel)

October 26 2007


this is a true story from new orleans:

my dog didn’t just dig up something in my mother’s backyard. he caught something in my mother’s backyard.

the day after i gave my sister my old computer, mine stopped working. so i brought mine to best buy to get fixed.

i had to go to my mother’s to use my sister’s computer.

i brought my dog. i put him in the backyard and left the french doors open so he could come back in.

after about 20 minutes i hear the dog running up and down the hallway; he’s sprinting back and forth.

i go see what’s going on.

he’s got something in his mouth.

what does he have?

a dove. a fuckin’ dove.

he caught a dove ?!? my dog killed something ?!?

i make him drop it. the bird is still alive.

there is a dazed and confused dove in my mother’s hallway.

i know i’ve got to get the dove out of the house. but i don’t want to touch it because of bird-flu or rabies or whatever. so i get a towel from the bathroom, drop it over the whole bird, then grab it to take it outside.

the bird cooperates. i set it down in a shaded corner of the backyard. the bird does not immediately fly away.

i think ‘oh, shit. the dog really caught and killed a dove.’

i don’t turn back to check on the bird. i couldn’t deal with the consequences. for all i know, the bird is still there.

no blood on the dog or the hallway. but there were a lot of feathers. hopefully he just shook the bird and got it dizzy. so now the bird is back flying around with its other birdie friends.

i can’t return to my mother’s backyard for fear of finding a dove skeleton.

(btw, it was not the white dove of peace or the catholic holy spirit. it was one of those light brown ones, but definitely not a pigeon. again, listen carefully, my dog did not kill the holy spirit!)

also if you ever go to my mother’s house, bring your own towel. the bird-flu infected one is still there somewhere.


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