yes, i’m talkin’ to you

October 7 2007

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ok, now, here’s a story to make you smile:

i am still buying shit on ebay for this imaginary life i’m creating
for myself. i bought some coffee tables. they were too big to send
ups, so the ebay seller sent them through greyhound. greyhound now
supplements its bus ticket sales by shipping packages around the
country in their excess luggage compartment space. (i guess the
average greyhound customer doesn’t bring their entire louis vuitton
luggage collection on trips.)

anyway, i get a call from the local bus station that my package
arrived. i say to my self, ‘yeah, more new shit!’ i plug in the
address to the gps system i also just got for the car and head off to
collect my tables.

i get to the station just as the 3:30pm bus to knoxville is loading passengers.

i say ‘oh, oh.’

the station manager shows me the box. it is huge. the seller put 2
coffee tables into one box. he tells me to pull around back so i can
load up the car. that means i have to park next to the bus. plus that
means to fit the 2 tables in the car i have to stand next to the bus
unpacking the box to remove the packaging to put the tables in the
back seat.

then the tables don’t fit into the car by sliding the front seats
forward. so, YES, i have to lower the top on the black mercedes
convertible clk 430 to fit my $500 coffee tables into the backseat. i
turn on the engine to lower the top. i forgot the ‘best of blondie’ cd
is in the cd player. then i forgot i also had to take the
wind-deflector off from above the backseat.

a busload of mexican day laborers, white meth addicts and black ladies
with screaming babies watch all this happen.

time moved very slowly. i was dying inside.

they looked at me like i was the biggest asshole they’d ever seen. i
felt like the biggest asshole they’d ever seen.

……so, does that story make you smile?

if it did, then my job is done.

goodnight.

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