happy mardi gras

happy mardi gras, y’all.

today’s super tuesday primary elections have knocked the yearly carnival bacchanalia off the front page.

but as you sit watching the results on CNN tonight, raise your wine glass to toast your brothers and sisters in new orleans who are celebrating this political season in the most appropriate way possible…

…drunk and partially nude.

out.

ps
a million thanks to Brian Postelle, Mountain Xpress, for the mention of my little writing exercise, distort the info.

to answer Brian’s question, i am a he, unless my home equity loan and mexican visa come through in time for the 2008 guadalajara trannie expo in april.

the transformation is complete

i moved to asheville in the first week of september 2007.

i didn’t think it would happen so quickly; but today my transformation into an ashevillean is complete.

i can no longer look at this place from an outsider’s perspective when i’ve succumb to so many of the traits that make ashevilleans, ashevilleans.

the latest part of this personal evolution was when i handed over my credit card to pay for a north face jacket at the frugal backpacker today.

fucking north face, for goodness sake.

that wasn’t the only evidence of my quick assimilation into granolaville, the other stuff was:

• i used homeopathic medicine to calm the anxiety of the puppy.
• i went to a radical faerie party.
• i save yoga class schedules.
• i had a 20 minute conversation about the textile art of rural indonesia.
• i drove past a flock of canadian geese feeding on a neighbor’s yard, but didn’t freak out and wreck the car.

at this point, the only thing that could make me more ashevillean is if i have gender reassignment surgery to become a pot-smoking lesbian with 4 cats, a subaru outback, and a student loan for massage therapy school.

it’s obviously too late for me, but save yourselves.

turning ashevillean doesn’t hurt; but knowing it happened is kinda creepy.

namaste, y’all.

please don’t tell PETA

the foster puppy is in it’s new home. but as you can see my dog is still sufferin’.

when it’s too cold to go outside and the camera’s battery is fully charged, i can sense the dog getting nervous that a photo session is in the works.

i don’t want to go into the details as to why, but i had a boutonnière in the fridge.

so when the dog didn’t seem particularly busy…

snap, snap, snap…

…another cute doggie picture on the internet.

home sweet home

it’s hard for me to explain why this picture makes me miss new orleans. but it surely does.

if you need a recipe for fun , its:

• diaper
• wig
• make-up
• gun

she’s crazy, but i love her. (i’m talking both about the guy in the photo and new orleans, itself.)

out

oh, and a tiara. a tiara is always good to have around… just in case.

you can open a bottle of beer with it; you can pawn it for bail money; you can use it to signal the rescue plane when you wake up in the swamps after a really, really bad date…

…you know… just in case.

this is your brain on drugs

(editor’s note: the link below is NSFW. trust. it’s information superhighway roadkill. but i couldn’t look away.)

asheville seems like a popular place for rich hippies to retire.

i gather that from the wide range of people who talk openly about their use of pot. this is an expensive place to live. maybe pot eases the nausea that comes from writing their mortgage payment checks.

i hit high school during the reagan administration. as a result, i was terrified of AIDS and illegal drugs. nancy reagan’s impact on me was huge in that respect. bitch. imposing fear without education.

if the ‘eggs in a frying pan’ metaphor doesn’t stop your descent into drug abuse, the following blog entry should do the trick:

http://keithiskneedeepinmud.blogspot.com/2007/10/crack-is-whack.html

aren’t you dying to know what the guy had in the shopping bags?

out.

pandering to the kidz

to expand my reader demographic, here’s a multipurpose video.

it’s mash-up of dolly parton’s cover of ’stairway to heaven’ by led zeppelin with cameos by pat benetar and the beastie boys, among others. the visuals seem arbitrary. so feel free to play the video in a minimized window.

dolly’s bluegrass period is worthy of investigating… much, much better than her pop stuff.

kudos to dj earworm.

UNCA radio should be doing this kind of shit.

out.

here, darlin’, have a donut. i beg you.

i don’t cook. that’s why i’m at the bobo grocery store delis all over the city.

the organic, locally grown, raw food vegans i’ve seen there are not the shiny, happy people one would imagine based on their earth-conscious eating habits.

most have a ‘zero-carb sneer’.

i want to gather them all up and turn them back toward the light.

carbohydrates and trans-fats bring a peace and contentment that can be found no other way.

trust.

ps

i want to trademark ‘zero-carb sneer’.

please don’t buy that website name.

i plan on doing that sometime next week.

as is my nature…

my car getting shot at has made me reflect quite a bit on the situation i’ve created for myself.

the most important thing i’ve confirmed is that i am NOT running away from a tough situation. if my car got tagged because of my race, creed, gender or sexual proclivities, my attitude is ‘bring it on, mutha-fucker. bring it on.’

come up to the house, ring the doorbell and tell me to my face that you’ve got a problem with me.

as is my nature, i will politely listen to what you’ve got to say. who knows, you may have some insight that hasn’t crossed my mind.

unless that happens, i’m not changing one thing about my life.

i worked like a dog to afford a house and a fancy car (please refer to anthony hopkins’ character in ‘remains of the day‘).

i’m not getting rid of them. and asheville is not easily getting rid of me.

so ’suck it’, mr. shooter. i’ve got things to do.

out.

chamber pop

does everyone know about this musical classification?

while digging through amazon.com, i saw the genre, chamber pop. i’d never heard of the category before.

here’s the quote from wikipedia:

Modern baroque pop, characterized by an infusion of orchestral arrangements or classical type composition within an indie or indie pop setting, is often referred to as CHAMBER POP, and sometimes chamber rock. This style, leaning heavily in an indie-rock direction, has sometimes been identified as a common feature of many of the most influential and widely-known indie bands in Canada; many of these bands are quite large for rock outfits and make full use of the additional personnel to create a fuller-bodied, more orchestral sound.

it seems the genre covers: arcade fire, the national, antony and the johnsons, sigur ros, interpol, rufus wainwright, etc. etc.

i like them because all their music seems to written in a minor chord.

please buy some music from antony and the johnsons. quirky souls like him deserve to be rewarded, not fergie or maroon 5.

out

ps

here’s a little gossip for you:

rufus and i went to the same gym in new york…probably the gayest gym in the tri-state area. we both liked to relax in the sauna after our training sessions. that’s where i noticed his little buddha belly… very cute.

he’s a belter in concert, kinda like ethel merman. but his strong diaphragm is hidden under rolls.

rufus rolls.

 

 

 

a quick dedication

this entry is dedicated to lil’ ray-ray.

see, ray-ray, i understand the kind of energy you’re trying to put out into the world.

out.

scandinavian pied piper

no, this is not video from a weekend in downtown asheville. though i heard there is a weekly drum circle near the town square.

…bjorn… oh, bjorn…

dear readers, if we ever meet and i seem distracted, it’s because i’m thinking about bjorn.

now HE is a radical faerie.

he’s scary and exciting at the same time.

too bad he litters.

why start ?

i was thinking about starting a blog.

what happened in the last 2 days makes me think i have to or i won’t remember
half the stuff that goes on.

1. ricky the lawn jockey came to cut the grass.
he said he saw a snake in my yard that barely escaped being cut-up by
his lawnmover.

i have snakes in my yard ?!?

2. the architect of the project told me he’ll probably rent one of my
apartments because
he is selling his house and building one for his himself and his wife
(his partner in the firm) so they need a place to stay as their new
house is built.

hallelujah!

so that would mean one place is rented even before construction
begins. and since he might live in the place he’s designing, i hope
that will be an incentive for him to keep on top of the contractor to
ensure good work.

3. i had to stop my car in the street in front of my house because a
possum was crossing the street. a fuckin’ possum, like grannie would
roast on the ‘beverly hillibilles.’

4. at kinko’s tonight i was printing some of the loan documents for
the construction line of credit; a radical faerie with a prince
valiant pageboy haircut was giving me the evil eye.

i need to buy a camera.